The 5 Stages of Grooming Teenagers: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know

When you hear the phrase ‘grooming children,’ do you think of grooming teenagers as well?

Most people don’t. And that gives society a huge problem when it comes to grooming and child sexual exploitation.

Because as a society, we assume that teenagers have a lot more understanding of the world than they might do. A teenager may look independent, but they are still vulnerable to manipulation, especially from adults in positions of power. And just because someone has reached the age of sexual consent does not mean they can’t be groomed.

In a previous post, we explored the 2 Stage Grooming Process. Another model breaks this down further into five clear stages, showing just how calculated and methodical grooming teenagers can be.

Stage 1: Victim Selection

In this first stage of grooming teenagers, the groomer will identify and select a teenager or teenagers to groom.

A groomer might target a particular teenager based on their:

• Age
• Physical characteristics
• Low self-esteem
• Being neglected
• Being trusting
• Having certain emotional or psychological characteristics
• Knowing the teenager’s relationship with their family, or
• Lack of parental supervision.

Often, multiple factors will come into play when it comes to a groomer selecting a teenager to groom. They might also target multiple teens simultaneously to see which teenager they can groom more easily or even abuse multiple teenagers at the same time.

Stage 2: Gaining Access and Isolating a Teen

The groomer will use multiple strategies to access their victim.

This might include taking advantage of opportunities such as:

• Volunteering at youth organisations
• Going to public places where teens go, or
• Making friends with a family with teenagers

Once the groomer has gained their access, then they will work on isolating their victim. This isolation could be from their:

• Peers
• Adults in positions of authority
• Their family

Isolation includes creating situations where they are alone with their victim and no other adults are present.

This isolation can be incredibly subtle and could include:

• Giving the teen a lift home
• Babysitting, and
• Checking up on the teen to see if they are ok if they go to the bathroom alone, for example.

Stage 3: Trust Development

Groomers are often described as being ‘charming’ and ‘likeable’. Creating this perception of themselves is intentional.

That’s because appearing any other way would break the facade that they are creating of themselves. Through this positive reputation, groomers can use bribes to befriend the teenager and engage in child-related activities.

For older children and teenagers, it’s common for groomers to use drugs or alcohol to bribe the teenager and gain their trust.

What’s important to remember is that this stage does not feel like abuse. It can often feel like a friendship, mentorship, or even a loving relationship. The outside world might see it in the same way. And this is what makes this stage so dangerous; it’s nearly impossible to spot.

Stage 4: Desensitisation to Abuse

Once the groomer feels that they have gained the trust of their victim, they can start to introduce sexual conversation and touch.

The whole reason for this is to desensitise the teenager to any sexual contact so that as it worsens, the teen doesn’t notice.

Desensitisation to touch can start with simple things such as:

• Hugging
• Tickling
• Telling inappropriate, sexualised jokes
• Massages
• ‘Accidental’ touches

These acts will then progress to more sexualised touching or sexual acts. Throughout this stage, the teenager is being conditioned to accept what is happening as ‘normal.’

Because of this normalisation of what is happening, victims of abuse can often blame themselves and view these situations in hindsight as something they ‘allowed to happen.’

To be clear, abuse is never something that a victim ‘allowed to happen.’ To think this of someone who has been abused is a form of victim-blaming.

Stage 5: Maintenance Following the Abuse

Maintenance following abuse, also sometimes called ‘Post-Abuse Maintenance’ is a stage that is often forgotten about.

Once the abuse is happening, the groomer needs to maintain the trust of the teenager. This trust is important as it prevents the teenager from disclosing the abuse so that the perpetrator can continue with their sick campaign.

Maintenance of trust may include:

• Encouraging the teen to keep secrets
• Making the teen feel responsible for the abuse
• Imposing punishment, or
• Relying on the teen to feel ashamed or guilty for what has happened

Final Thoughts

In this post, we’ve looked at how this 5 stage model applies to grooming teenagers.

While this model focuses on anyone of any age or gender being groomed, the focus of this post has been on how these stages apply to those under 18 years old. Understanding these five stages helps us recognise the warning signs of teenagers being groomed early on, so we can better protect young people from child sexual exploitation.

If you found this post helpful, please consider sharing it. Raising awareness could help prevent someone from becoming a victim of grooming and child sexual exploitation.