Misinformation and myths about violence against women and girls (VAWG) are harmful to both the victims of these situations and also to the wider public.
Why?
Because these myths feed into a victim-blaming culture that doesn’t support victims and potentially just supports perpetrators of these crimes.
In a previous post, we looked at 6 VAWG myths.
In this post, we will be looking at another 6 myths surrounding violence against women and girls.
Myth: The Fashions That Teenage Girls Wear Makes Them Look Like They’re Asking for It
There’s a brilliant video that circulates on TikTok every so often, which was created by BBC3 and explores the idea of women ‘asking for it.’ Look it up on YouTube, it’s called ‘Quickies: She’s Asking for It.’
In this video, two men are ordering drinks in a cafe when they see a photograph of a woman in a newspaper and say that she’s asking for it. The three female cafe workers then go into a dream-like sequence of all of the times that women are ‘asking for it’ but don’t get their way because ‘asking for it’ doesn’t involve sex.
For example, in one of the sequences, a woman appears in an office wearing a suit, hoping to get a job because she’s ‘asking for it.’
This is met by confusion among the office workers. Why would you get hired for a job just because you dressed like you were asking for it?
In another scene, a woman is dressed for the beach, drink in hand, and announces that she’s off on holiday despite not having HR clearance. Her justification is that she’s already in beach clothes, so clearly, she is ‘asking for it.’
In the next scene, a man sits down with his dinner in a restaurant and the woman sitting at the table (knife and fork in hand, napkin around her neck) takes his dinner and starts eating it.
Why?
Because of how she’s dressed, she’s clearly ‘asking for it.’
One woman sits in a living room in a wedding dress expecting her partner to propose, and another is outside a car dealership in Ferrari merchandise expecting a new car. It’s a comical sketch, but it makes a very valid point. No woman is ‘asking for it’ just because of how she dresses.
Regardless of whatever fashion is currently being sold on ASOS or Boohoo, teenage girls can wear what they like and unless she consents to anything, her outfit never means that she’s asking for any kind of sexual activity.
Myth: If A Teenage Girl is in a Relationship and is 16 Or Over, It Isn’t Rape
It makes me so sad that until the last decade, inter-marriage and inter-relationship rape was not viewed as a criminal activity, in Jersey at least.
However, this is now no longer the case, as it never should have been in the first place.
Yes, you can legally consent to sex and sexual activity from the time you turn 16 years old. However, this does not mean that just because you are in a relationship with someone, you consent to have any sexual activity with them at any point in time.
It also doesn’t mean that just because you engaged in sexual activity with someone previously, you consent to engage in sexual activity with them again.
Any kind of unwanted sexual activity where consent is not freely given is sexual assault, regardless of whether you are in a relationship with that person or not.
Myth: Once A Man Is ‘Turned On,’ He Needs to Have Sex
To me, this is like saying that when someone is tired, they need to go to bed. They most likely won’t; most people will fight the urge to sleep and watch another episode of their Netflix series that they’re watching, go on that night out anyway, take the kids to school, go to work, and generally do whatever else needs doing.
This might be a flippant example, but I think that the premise is transferable.
In short, just because a man is sexually aroused, it doesn’t mean that he has or needs to have sex.
He can control these urges.
Sexual violence does not need to occur because a man needs to be sexually satisfied.
Sexual arousal does not remove an individual’s ability to control their actions
The myth that men cannot control their sexual urges once aroused perpetuates harmful stereotypes and excuses sexual violence. Framing sexual violence as a biological inevitability shifts the blame from the perpetrator to the victim, reinforcing the idea that victims are responsible for acts of sexual violence.
This myth only serves to undermine the seriousness of sexual violence and perpetuates a culture of excusing harmful behaviour. Sexual violence is a deliberate act of power and control over a victim, not an uncontrollable urge.
Myth: Those Who Have Been Sexually Abused Go on to Commit Offences of Sexual Violence
The notion that individuals who have been sexually abused will inevitably go on to commit sexual violence themselves is both harmful and unfounded.
While it is true that experiencing trauma can have long-lasting psychological effects, the majority of victims or survivors of sexual violence do not go on to become perpetrators.
This myth perpetuates a cycle of victim-blaming and stigma, discouraging survivors from seeking help and support.
The perpetuation of this myth can have severe consequences for survivors, including increased feelings of shame, guilt and reluctance to disclose their experiences.
It’s important to provide survivors with the support and resources they need to heal rather than stigmatising them with unfounded assumptions about their future behaviour.
Myth: Girls Shouldn’t Walk Home Late at Night Alone
Women and girls should be able to walk anywhere late at night and alone without fear of any repercussions, let alone being the victim of sexual violence.
This myth is largely built on the myth that women and girls are more likely to experience sexual violence from people that they don’t know. But whilst we know that 1 in 10 rapes are committed by strangers, that’s still 10% too many.
It’s a sad situation when anybody can’t walk anywhere at night without the worry of being a victim of sexual violence.
The larger societal lesson here is teaching everyone to respect each other and that sexual violence is not acceptable.
We need to move away from women being responsible for what may or may not happen to them on a night out.
The Police Response to Sarah Everard’s Murder
In the wake of the atrocious rape and murder of Sarah Everard in the UK in 2021 and after finding that her rapist and murderer was a police officer, The Metropolitan Police released ludicrous advice to women on a night out, such as waving down a bus if they feel unsafe.
I’m sorry, what!?
Wave down a bus if you feel unsafe. What ridiculous advice is that?
Surely, what should have happened is a campaign with a strong message that women and girls have the right to be safe on a night out and that sexual violence will not be tolerated.
Giving women and girls frankly crackpot advice like this makes every female appear too dim to protect ourselves against something that society should take more of a responsibility to prevent from happening in the first place.
Myth: She Was Dancing/Kissing/Chatting/Drinking with Him Earlier in the Evening. She Was Leading Him On
So, what if a woman or girl was doing anything with a man before he assaulted her?
It still doesn’t permit him to perpetrate an act of sexual violence towards her. The idea that previous interactions or behaviours imply ongoing or future consent is a dangerous misconception.
Consent is Specific
It’s important to understand that consent is specific to each act and can be revoked at any time.
Engaging in dancing, kissing, or any other social activity does not equate to consenting to sex or sexual activity. In law, consent must be a clear and enthusiastic agreement, not assumed based on previous behaviour or interactions.
What the Research Tells Us
Studies have shown that many people still hold onto the myth that certain behaviours imply consent. For instance, research has demonstrated how 1 in 3 people in the UK believed that a woman was partially or completely responsible for being raped if she had been flirting with the perpetrator beforehand.
This harmful belief contributes to the victim-blaming culture that discourages survivors from coming forward and seeking justice.
The Reality of this Myth
The reality is that sexual violence is a crime committed by a perpetrator and is not something caused by the victim’s actions or choices. The concept of ‘leading someone on’ is a form of victim-blaming that shifts responsibility from the perpetrator to the victim.
This not only undermines the severity of the crime but also perpetuates a culture where sexual violence is excused or minimised.
No matter what a woman or girl did before a sexual assault, it does not grant anyone the right to violate her.
Consent must be explicit, and the absence of a ‘yes’ means no.
This post is adapted from a section of It's All Your Fault - due for release in 2025.
