Music often has a way of helping us to let out emotion that we didn’t necessarily know was there. From laughing, crying, being angry; music provides an amazing outlet for so much, especially when it comes to feeling overwhelmed. In fact, I find that listening to the right song at the right time can be amazing therapy for when processing trauma, dealing with flashbacks and unwanted thoughts, or the effects of grooming or sexual assault.
I feel that music has been huge in my journey to heal from the trauma caused by grooming and sexual assault. And that’s why I created this trauma recovery playlist of songs for processing and dealing with my trauma quite early.
The following songs have been quoted at the start of each chapter in It’s All Your Fault. The quote taken from each song I find is especially powerful and speaks to the theme of each chapter. In their own way, I find each song real, raw, validating, and empowering.
You’ll notice that each of the songs in this trauma recovery playlist is sung by a female artist.
This was intentional.
Although I have separate playlists focussed on trauma processing and trauma recovery, as the first playlist that I put together, it was important for me, my healing, and my mental health at the time that this was a female only playlist.
#1. U & Ur Hand – P!nk
A Song to Empower You
This first song is a punchy, no-nonsense anthem for anyone whoโs had to deal with unwanted attention, coercion, or just being underestimated.
Itโs a reminder that you donโt owe anyone your time, your body, or your energy.
At one point in 2024, it was one of my most-played songs on Spotify and it helped me deal with a lot of anger.
Iโm not here for your entertainment
You donโt really wanna mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
#2. you broke me first – Tate McRae
A Song About Accepting What Happened
Sometimes processing trauma isn’t just about finding closure. Sometimes, it’s also about accepting that what happened still hurts and that you don’t deserve to still feel this pain.
I love this song because I feel that it captures that feeling of vulnerability and provides you with that opportunity to call out the person who made you feel like this in the first place.
Could you tell me, whereโd you get the nerve?ย
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we hadย
But I donโt really care how bad it hurtsย
When you broke me firstย
# 3. Because of You – Kelly Clarkson
A Song About Validation
This one hits deep. I feel it was very overplayed back in the day because it was such a chart-topper.
But, I also feel that the chorus is particularly powerful and vulnerable. It also ventures into some very raw confessions such as ‘I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me; Because of you, I am afraid.’
Because of youย
I never stray too far from the sidewalkย
Because of youย
I learned to play on the safe side so I donโt get hurtย
Because of youย
I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around meย
Because of you, I am afraid
# 4. Happier Than Ever – Billie Eilish
A Song for Female Rage
This track is a slow burn into explosive rage.
And I think this almost reflects the very nature of grooming itself. It starts in a way that you don’t expect it to finish.
But I love this song. It’s cathartic, chaotic, and exactly what trauma processing sometimes looks like.
It’s a great one to belt out in the car and the video also speaks to me when it comes to the emotions of processing trauma.
I also think that the section quoted below are the best lyrics in the whole song. The words really show how you haven’t succumbed to their level of emotional abuse in order to process your trauma.
And I donโt talk shit about you on the internetย
Never told anyone anything badย
โCause that shitโs embarrassing, you were my everythingย
And all that you did was make me fucking sadย
So donโt waste the time I donโt haveย
And donโt try to make me feel bad
#5. Love the Way You Lie, Pt. II โ Rihanna (Feat. Eminem)
A Song to Channel Anger, Rage and Sorrow
Abuse doesnโt always look the way you think it will and this song captures the confusion perfectly.
But the part that speaks to me the most is in the first chorus. I used this song section at the start of the chapter of It’s All Your Fault when I detailed what happened to me.
This thing turned out so evilย
I don’t know why I’m still surprisedย
Even angels have their wicked schemesย
And you take that to new extremes
#6. Psycho – Taylor Acorn
A Song to Reclaim Your Voice
This song is a-mazing. It’s quintessential female rage and is for anyone who’s ever been labelled โcrazyโ for reacting to mistreatment.
It’s a complete flip of the script.
And I love it, especially for being angry, unfiltered, and unapologetically reclaiming the narrative.
Iโm not a villain but you made me oneย
So, now Iโm throwing knives at pictures of your face on the wallย
It seems like boys like you all love to say that chicks like me are just insaneย
But boys like you give men a shitty name
#7. For The Girls – ASTON
A Song That Hits Back at Victim-Blaming Culture
This song is a treasure that turned up on my TikTok For You Page at this right time, this song is a feminist power punch and a reminder of your own self-worth.
Itโs the perfect track for those moments when youโre tired of being objectified or blamed for someone elseโs behaviour. It’s empowering, loud, and necessary.
For years, I blamed a lot of what happened to me based on what I was wearing that night.
This song is so powerful in reminding me that what I wore was my right and had nothing to do with his actions.
First off itโs a dress, not a yesย
I wear it cause I got good legsย
Itโs not an invite to my tableย
Donโt talk to me Iโm not impressed
#8. good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo
A Song That Channels Anger
This is a great song that perfectly captures that state of mind where you’re left picking up the pieces while they move on like nothing happened.
I love the rawness of the lyrics that show your spiral, whilst they’re completely unaffected by what happened.
It’s a feeling shared by a lot of victim-survivors of sexual assault and abuse, and something that a lot of people don’t understand how the turmoil of abuse continues long after the abuse has apparently finished.
Iโve lost my mind, Iโve spent the nightย
Crying on the floor of my bathroomย
But youโre so unaffected, I really donโt get itย
But I guess good for you
#9. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylorโs Version) – Taylor Swift
A Song That Lets You Feel Pain
If youโve ever been gaslit or emotionally manipulated, this extended version hits it where it hurts.
The song’s climatic effect of the verse quoted below that always gets me.
These lyrics perfectly reflect that an incident that might have seemed so small and almost insignificant, or not even remembered by others, can weight heavily on your mind.
And you call me up again just to break me like a promiseย
So casually cruel in the name of being honestย
Iโm a crumpled-up piece of paper lying hereย
โCause I remember it allย
They say allโs well that ends well, but Iโm in a new hellย
Every time you double-cross my mind
#10. Iโm a Mess – Bebe Rexha
A Song for Trauma Validation
What I love about this song is the hope that shines through the chaos. The song acknowledges feelings of inadequacy and feelings of giving up, but that there is hope and goodness to come, despite what you feel now.
The song isn’t about ‘fixing’ the mess; it’s about acknowledging and accepting its current presence.
Everythingโs gonna be alrightย
Everythingโs gonna be okayย
Itโs gonna be a good, good, lifeย
Thatโs what my therapist says
#11. the apology iโll never receive โ RรRY
A Song That Helps You Reclaim Your Voice
I found this song on TikTok during a random doom-scrolling session. And I love it.
RรRY puts into words the ache of waiting for an apology that may never come. It’s what I’ve wanted from them for so long, but know that I’ll never get.
The song is heartbreaking, honest, and somehow empowering as well. It’s about taking back that power and writing the apology that you want, yourself. It’s a little like writing a letter to your past self, but releasing yourself from the accountability of what happened.
But thereโs no knock on my doorย
Thereโs no please can we talkย
No sorry for all of the pain that I causedย
Weโre not sat in my kitchen with quiet forgivenessย
I thought you would find your way here, but you didnโtย
Iโll write myself the apology Iโll never receive
#12. One Little Soldier – Regina Spektor
A Song That Reminds You That They Won’t Win
This song is the theme tune to Bombshell; a film that explores the real-life sexual abuse and harassment that happened at Fox. It starts as a quiet simmer, but the rage for the people and systems that enable abuse and let people get away with it is a strong undertone that runs throughout.
The verse quoted below reminds me that karma exists, and people get what they deserve, even if it’s not immediately.
It’s also a reminder that people do start questioning what they’ve been conditioned to see as ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable.’
And that’s powerful.
Did you think youโd get to run the world forever?ย
Little soldiers fighting loyal by yourโ sideย
Thatโ youโd get toโ play the role of grand commanderย
Neverโ questioning your motives or your pride
#13. Under the Thumb – Amy Studt
A Song That Channels Rage
This song comes fresh out of the early 2000’s and is one that I used to love listening to. (In my opinion, Amy Studt’s first album is a classic that doesn’t get the recognition it should).
I see this song as a simple reflection that I didn’t see the grooming, the power struggle, or anything else that I experienced.
And that was intentional, because I wasn’t supposed to see it.
Now, I don’t just see this song as another teen-pop song. I see it as a song about control. And about realising too late that someone had power over you.
Did I ever even cross your mind?ย
Cause itโs not a game of who is under the thumbย
I think you took me for a rideย
But I didnโt seeย
I didnโt even realiseย
Boy that we were playing games of under the thumbย
I think you took me for a rideย
What a waste of me
#14. Everything Burns – Anastacia featuring Ben Moody
A Song That Channels Inner Pain
I don’t think this song needs much of an introduction as they lyrics speak for themselves.
It often feels that we can scream about VAWG from the tops of our lungs and we just don’t get heard. And this song portrays that feeling of trying to speak out and not being heard or listened too.
But she will singย
Till everything burnsย
While everyone screamsย
Burning their liesย
Burning my dreamsย
All of this hateย
And all of this painย
Iโll burn it all downย
As my anger reignsย
Till everything burns
#15. Sand – Dove Cameron
A Song That Validates the Pain
This song captures the blurry lines between truth, denial, and vulnerability.
It was particularly prevalent to me after the police closed my case when I formally lodged an allegation against him. Whilst I understood the rationale about why the case was closed, it wasn’t what I’d wanted to hear.
The honesty of the situation wasn’t what I wanted.
I wanted someone to lie to me and tell me that he’d be arrested and charged with what he did. But they couldn’t do that because the legislation wouldn’t allow them to.
Sometimes the honesty hurts more than the lies.
The whole song has James Bond theme tune vibes to it and there are so many other parts of this song that hit hard. From the lines that talk about them being on your mind all the time, to lines about how another person can have so much of you, yet you have none of them.
It’s so powerful and a definite listen on the trauma playlist.
Whatโs worse?ย
Hearinโ what you wanna hearย
Or hearinโ whatโs honest?
Final Thoughts
Music wonโt fix everything; but it can hold your hand through the hardest parts.
These songs have been part of my journey through trauma recovery, and I hope they become part of yours too. Or if not, that you find music that speaks to you and helps in with your trauma recovery journey as well.
Whether you need validation, release, or just a good old cry-scream in the car, know this: you’re not alone, you’re not broken, and healing, even when itโs messy, is still healing.
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This post is adapted from a section of It's All Your Fault - due for release in 2025.